June 16, 2006

from dusk till dawn.

reclining in my armchair, gazing at the glistening raindrops all but a few feet away, I reminisce the beauty of simplicity.

virtue, innocence tested.

once, I believed in the purity of man, in his need for restoration and reconciliation. because there is an inherent need in every one of us to mend, to rend, to heal. however, does that encompass a complete obliterative disregard of the joy and happiness that was? instead, does the focus have to be on the sorrowful? I guess I'll never understand the apparent triumph of remembering pain rather than joy.

herein lies one's objectives: you either love to lose, or you lose to love. sometimes, sacrificing one's time, energy and all is all worthwhile. but when it is seen as foolishness, because what really matters to another person is personal edification, making someone else happy is but secondary, then the notion of love is regrettable. for what is love, if it is about fulfilling one's own desires before all others? true living is when you live beyond yourself.

looking back, it does seem that even my own past was such. years ago, a period where everything I did, said or chose to feel was about me, myself and I. and yes, I say choose to feel, because how you feel is more often than not just an instinctive feeling, rather, it is a choice which occurs in your thought form. well, that was plain sad. at the end of the day, I'll come to realise that my life is all but a manipulative journey, a mere shadow of the wondrous dreams and goals I once had. you choose people, objects, ideals and morals for convenience, not conviction. because when you are in the centre of the equation, everything else means zero. life may seem great, but in fact, it is as stable as a reed in the wind.

I've chosen something more than myself, and I'll stick to that choice.

life - more than the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the people we hang out with. when all that is temporal fades away, what remains? if the superficial defines us, we in turn become superficial, and the rather unfortunate thing is, we all claim we want to be ourselves and no one else. really?

perhaps one day the brilliant robin will come to realise, that it really isn't all about leaving the confinment of the cage. it isn't all about re-discovering or hiding oneself after all the pain, or having a change of lifestyle to facilitate the ignorance of feelings. because when you force yourself not to feel, you're merely deviating further and further away from who you are. one day, perhaps one day, you will find true release in the one who remains true, and waiting.

freedom and liberty come about, when one is brave enough to deal with one's insecurities, fears, and the courage to reconcile for a brighter day.

maybe, just maybe, the memory of a forgotten past will once again evoke a little magic, to bring about that familiar wafting scent, comfort, pure bliss.

and so, the rain goes on.
gid posted at 10:17