July 06, 2006

fervour.

I've not recovered from the fever. but yes, pressing on, pressing on..

I just have to take this down. the time out last evening left an impression on me. Lee was asking me to share about my experiences in the ministry, and as I was speaking, I could sense this remarkable passion within him, and it reminded me so much of when I first started out. I still recall how I was only fifteen, and yet never too young to dream big dreams for the Lord. simply coming to Church on weekends filled me with a remarkable sense of joy, it was the sheer knowledge that I was in a place filled with all I could ever hope or wish for. being an Obed-Edom, voluntering for anything necessary, even the unnecessary, that river began to pour and never did it run dry. just running, running with the Holy Spirit. such an adventure. it was incredible.

years now, I think I've grown up quite a bit. I guess I'm what they would call a embattled warrior, one who has gone through the cuts, bruises and fights in life. truly, much has happened over the past few years, some things perhaps few would have gone through. near death experiences, broken relationships, disappointments and numerous defeats, of which their causes are not for me to discuss at length. even the past few months have served their due return upon me. life is my second best teacher, and what it has taught me: I indeed have an uncompromising attitude.

in reflection, much of what I do revolves around this discourse: an undying, unrelenting fight to never give up. be it religion, people, work, relationships, I always ask, "Why not?" perhaps I seem foolish, yes, perhaps I do. afterall, which bloke insists on the impossible all the time? but hey, I guess if it were anything less, it wouldn't be me to give it mention.

I've been insistent, and this is probably the reason why I make very good friends and very good enemies, too. because I never (and maybe there is a refusal to involved) to compromise on what I believe can be done. I insist on hurts being able to be healed, forgiveness to be meted out, hearts to mend, broken lives to be restored. I insist on dreams, the better life. I insist on love in its entirety - accepting flaws, second chances, reconciliation, restoration.

recently, I was told that I was thought of as complete, good enough. and then, it seemed it wasn't quite so. I pondered about it, and I began to wonder wherever that idea came from. strangely, I always knew myself to be inadequate and incomplete to a humblest order. and that's precisely the reason why I need God and people. my family, my friends, my members know that about me. now isn't that the case for everyone else? if you cannot accept imperfection in a seemingly perfect being, boy, are you going to be disappointed. because it is telling of the fact that one cannot accept oneself, and therefore looks to seeing the perfection in others oneself hopes for but cannot have.

pretty much established, I am quite imperfect, and no qualms about it. :) what matters is that I'm working towards completion. and so, I'll become better and better, and one day, worthy.

innocence, virtue tested.

Lee, I'm on my way back. Thank you. I'm coming home.
gid posted at 20:21