May 11, 2007

around my world in 365 days.

The month of May for the past two years was the toughest time of my life, more so for last year's.

And this explains my trepidation and uneasiness as April bowed out and ushered in the next month.

There is just so much that has to be said and understood, yet it cannot be so. A grey intensity flits past every now and then. Groanings which cannot be uttered? Pretty much so.

As I was telling W., I hope this month will breeze past, fast.

Every single day is a reminder to myself that when all else fails, like it did, I have only, and still have, myself and the few who are standing with me. The memory and recollection fill me with dread. One knows not the paramount importance of holding on to the little crumbling sand, until it becomes the key to keeping alive, and is the sole thing you know how to do, no longer by will, but primal instinct.

Even though it is tough, in fact very, I want to be able to tell myself that I am still able to muster up enough courage to smile and walk on.

Looking back, there is one surest thing I can say:

Thank God I'm still alive.
gid posted at 23:28